June 10, 2012 - Nearing the end of a journey stepping on the precipice of another

June 10, 2012 Well it's Sunday already after a somewhat uneventful week. The weekend was great though. This morning after another somewhat sleepless night. I swear between forced late nights and just general insomnia or lack of need for sleep I only get about four hours a night. I get up every morning at 5:00am, and while most of you know I usually get up at 2:00am at home, here I don't go to bed at 7:30 either. Anyway, I thought I was going to the beach early so I checked on Facebook for any postings about people attending local studio early morning classes. Tom was going to Manhattan Beach which I hadn't attended yet so I met him in the lobby at 5:30am with no other takers. Loved the studio and had a really fabulous class. It was mat to mT as some of the volunteers and competitors from the Yoga International Asana Championships were attending. I forgot how much I enjoy the intimacy of a small studio and just had a great class. When I was leaving our teacher Tiffany said she remembered me from when she attended posture clinic and that she thought I was so fabulous and would make a great teacher. Made me feel great, but generally she was such a positive and upbeat person that well just affirms how much I believe in telling people nice things whenever you can (but never ever lie) cause it makes them feel happy. Anyway got a ride home and quickly went out for a run, don't usually like to go running right after yoga cause I am so wasted and yes I was for about 30 minutes but then I kind of settled into the rhythm and enjoyed the rest of my run. Came back and di some chores and watched the French Open. Well I kind of got totally blown off for the trip to the beach, and oh I love the California beaches and the sun. It is so relaxing. But in the end it worked out well cause if I had gone to the beach I never would have seen the Finals of the Men's and Women's International Yoga Championships. It is really inexplicable. I know some people think yoga has no business being competitive, but if you saw it you would see that it is not an environment of Western competition. It is each yogi doing their best with all the love and support of all who compete cause each knows the dedication and love of the yoga that each one has. Well if you feel what it is like amongst all who attend and compete you would understand. But maybe you have to do yoga and understand yoga to understand. Anyway then I saw demonstrations from the reigning junior, women's and men's champions. Well I was moved to tears particularly by the women's champion from Japan Yukari Miwa. just so beautiful with her smile and calmness yet so much strength and flexibility and concentration. They are announcing the winners in a few minutes for this year. Anyway, it was well worth missing the beach. So during the break between the men's and women's finals I went up to TJMaxx to do the thing I hate most...shopping. See I had brought a nice top to wear to graduation and then of course I found out it had green so I can't wear it cause there is absolutely no green around Bikram. Ughhh do I dread shopping. So first I stopped at Kohls and well tried on a few things, even a dress, but why should I get a dress now, it's just not me. So then I went the fun TJMaxx, I felt exactly like those people on that show, I think it is called "what to wear" where they take people that dress like me and throw out their clothes and then send them to the store with some basic fashion rules, totally out of their comfort zone. Well the first day they walk around in a daze picking up all the things they normally would, knowing that it is exactly opposite of what they should buy. Well yes that was me...but you see I have no taste or eye or whatever you want to call it, so you guessed it, I bought black, well and dark navy blue and well it met the criteria, does not stand out, and is not green. Well pretty frustrate here cause I know I wrote stuff earlier and I can't get to it. So anyway, weekend over, got my stuff for graduation, now it is just putting one foot in front of the other. I have no regrets and even watching the yoga championships confirmed it to me as well, no I will never do what they do, but when I think of how far I have come in less than 2 years well I know I will just leave the door open for where my practice may go, but it is true particularly in yoga that it is all about the journey and not about the destination. Other things I came away with this week, is that my brain is needs to be fed all the time and now having learned the dialogue and being in lectures that are difficult to process because of language and just not having enough stimulus it is just like going nuts. Luckily I saw a fascinating series of shows on discovery by Stephen Hawking called the Grand Design about the Universe and that fed my brain and I love that stuff, wish I could have pondered the beauty and complexity with Dan, we love to sit for hours contemplating the universe. I also learned that giving of yourself has to be well complete and with no expectations. If you need or expect something...well then you really aren't giving. Just let go and let the universe unfold as it will. Goodness is never left unrewarded in the long run. Well off to another week. If there is stuff after this part, then it is what I wrote earlier but can't get at it now. See you all very soon. Well I know I wrote some stuff earlier but Kind of hard to remember what happened this week. I can definitely say that for most of the week I was really more than ready for it to be over and to head back to my life at home since that is the inevitable place of the last stop on this trolley. Now I'm beginning to feel all the nostalgic sadness that comes with knowing many goodbyes are less than a week away and that people that I have shared a very close intimate unique experience will spread around the globe and most likely most I won't see again. But memories make indelible marks in the heart and there is something so powerfully wonderful to know that nothing has enriched my life more than to have known so many new people with such varied life experiences and the broadest range of personalities. And each in varying degrees, some lightly or some deeply each have touched my soul. So as I sit here thinking of life in the bubble, well in some ways it fell short of my expectations, yeah the part that is more from the head...but it also exceeded my expectations, the part that does not come from the brain but understands from the heart. I know the bond that all Bikram Yoga teachers have because that part, the Unintelligible part, probably individually so different but also undeniably within the same frame is shared by almost all. So I'm kind of carrying on here not saying much cause you know how do you put feelings into concrete words. Well good writers can do it...all I can say is that most of us while ready to move on will always remember this time of our lives with great fondness. Most of the week went by pretty fast. We had a lot of lectures this week. Dr. Das who is Rajshree's guru from India came and gave lectures on yoga therapy. He was difficult in some ways to understand because of his accent but I loved him in the sense that he carried a beautiful spirit and presence about him and you could tell he really knew his shit and well the main essence about the need for all body-mind-spirit in the healing because it is often the breakdown of all three which manifests in illness. And even thou