April 4, 2012

April 4, 2012 
The Journey - Never getting to "The Destination" - Progress - Perfection


I should be working because I have so much to do before i leave, but as is typical of me, I hate to focus for long on any one thing if left to my own devices. That's one of the things I love about Bikram Yoga, I have to focus for 90 minutes cause I have no choice and I love it when my brain does not jump around. (Yes I am the master of the remote at my house and I usually have 3 or 4 programs i am watching at one time. It is almost like a strobe light I change so fast). So here i am writing in my blog, because going to TT consumes my thoughts. I'm either running over my dialogue, thinking of what i need to bring, thinking of what I want to be sure I get out of TT, or worrying about keeping my body healthy.


During my CD class yesterday, I had the yoga practitioners think about and honor how far their postures have come since starting the yoga. Sometimes I find, I am always thinking about how to get better; what adjustment can I make to wrap that foot around, or balance in toe stand, get my forehead on my knee, get my legs up a millimeter more on locust etc. and it is good to occasionally, (not too often) take a moment and reflect on how my postures have evolved over time. 


The trouble is, I have a terrible memory. I often comment that if it was not for photographs I don't think I'd be able to recall what I looked like or what my sisters looked like growing up. It must be something in our evolutionary make up that allows newer images to replace the older ones so we don't freak out in facing how much we age every 5 years. We had a retirement at my work the other day and they brought out old photographs. Funny how i don't feel any different than 20 years ago...I digress.


Well, while I don't have images of my postures, there are certainly certain markers of what i was able to do my first week of Bikram and what I can do now. So yesterday I honored that. 


Kind of like life, somehow we get roped into thinking when we are little that there is some sort of "perfection" out there. It has taken me a lot of years to realize that life is all about the journey, moving forward, experiencing new places, getting back on a smooth road after taking a wrong turn on a bumpy road...just making progress. 


That is my approach to the postures. I have no destination for my postures, it is a means to take my journey. Getting better in my postures is just getting better at life. You work hard, push yourself, sometimes push yourself too much, get frustrated, struggle, have bad days, have good days, but keep moving forward. Never perfect. 


I'm sure when I go to TT, there will be plenty of students that are looking foremost to improving their practice, but for me, any improvements will be a byproduct, my focus is to learn how to best communicate with students, to communicate through the postures, through knowing and improving their postures, let them experience the improvement in self and life. 


I remember Meg talking way back about teaching and while she is the only one talking there is a strong 2 way dialogue between student and teacher. How each one gives cues about their personalities by how they respond to anything and everything during the 90 minutes. I'm sure it takes a long time to be fluent in that language and as I know by all the great teachers I have, sometimes I think they are speaking just to me, pushing, nurturing, demanding, taking me out of my comfort zone, making me laugh etc. 


That's the type of teacher i want to be. One that speaks to you in our own secret Bikram language.